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Syria ceasefire: UN's Ban Ki-moon makes aid plea

UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon has urged Russia and the US to push all warring sides in Syria to allow safe passage for desperately needed aid. 
 
Lorries with a month's food supply for 40,000 people are stuck at the Turkish border, 48 hours into a ceasefire. 
 
Getting aid to civilians in besieged areas like the rebel-held eastern half of the city of Aleppo is a priority. 
 
But disagreements between warring sides and concerns about safety are delaying emergency deliveries, the UN says. 
 
Criticism has also been levelled at President Bashar al-Assad's government for trying to control aid flows. 
 
"It's crucially important [that] the necessary security arrangements" are made so the convoy can travel, Mr Ban said. 
 
"I have been urging the Russian government to make sure that they exercise influence on the Syrian government, and also the American side to make sure that Syrian armed groups, they also fully co-operate." 
 
The Syrian government says it will only allow aid co-ordinated through itself and the UN to reach Aleppo. 
 
Meanwhile, UK-based monitoring group the Syrian Observatory for Human Rights said it had recorded no casualties in the first 48 hours of the ceasefire, contradicting earlier Russian accounts of two government troop deaths on the Castello Road, which leads to Aleppo. 
 
US Secretary of State John Kerry and his Russian counterpart Sergei Lavrov have agreed in a phone call to extend the truce for another 48 hours, the US State Department says. 
 
"There was agreement that as a whole, despite sporadic reports of violence, the arrangement is holding," spokesman Mark Toner said. 
 
Some 250,000 people are trapped in eastern Aleppo. Protests have been held against the UN as the area waits for aid but people are enjoying the temporary calm, residents say. 
 
"The streets were always empty before," a member of the rebel Free Syrian Army, Abo Haitham, told Reuters news agency. 
 
"But now people are coming and going, children are playing in the playground. But the downside is that the markets are empty." 
 
In government-controlled western Aleppo, pictures showed young people relaxing outside. Before the ceasefire, districts there were regularly targeted by rebel rocket and mortar fire. 
 
Residents of eastern Aleppo are reported to be in desperate need of fuel, flour, wheat, baby formula and medicines. 
 
Two convoys of lorries carrying aid crossed into Syria about 40km (25 miles) west of Aleppo on Tuesday but were not allowed to go much further, Reuters reports. 
 
One issue holding back aid deliveries is that al-Qaeda affiliates operate in the area, which may mean the main route into Aleppo is not yet safe, the BBC's James Longman in Beirut says. 
 
The Syrian truce 
 
 
<ul>
<li>A deal was brokered by Russia and the US that began with a nationwide ceasefire from Monday between the armed opposition and the Syrian government, but not jihadist groups</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>The ceasefire will be renewed every 48 hours if it holds</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>It is meant to allow for "unimpeded and sustained humanitarian access" to besieged areas, including Aleppo</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>If the truce holds for a week, Russia and the US will bomb militant groups together, including so-called Islamic State and Jabhat Fateh al-Sham (formerly the Nusra Front)</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>The "legitimate opposition" are meant to distance themselves from such groups</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>The deal has faced widespread scepticism, not least because the US backs anti-government rebel groups while Moscow is a key ally of the Syrian government</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>The deal could pave the way for a political transition, the US says</li>
</ul>
 
Since the truce came into effect on Monday, accusations have been made against both rebels and government forces for sporadically violating it. 
 
But it appears to have largely held. 
 
The deal, described by Mr Kerry as the "last chance to save a united Syria", was struck on Friday in Geneva after months of talks between Russia and the US. It requires both sides to allow unhindered access for humanitarian aid. 
 
The number of deaths recorded since the beginning of the conflict in March 2011 recently rose above 300,000, according to the Syrian Observatory for Human Rights, a UK-based monitoring group. 
 
However, it said it estimated the full death toll to be about 430,000. 
 
Mr Kerry said 450,000 had been "slaughtered" in an interview with National Public Radio on Tuesday. 
 
More than 4.8 million people have fled abroad, and an estimated 6.5 million others have been displaced within the country, the UN says. 
 
If the truce holds... 
 
Jihadist groups like so-called Islamic State and Jabhat Fateh al-Sham face the joint might of the Russian and US air forces 
 
Moderate rebels and civilians in the areas they hold will no longer face the threat of indiscriminate air strikes such as barrel-bombing although the Syrian air force will not be grounded completely; aid deliveries will be allowed to areas currently under siege 
 
President Assad will be in a stronger position as the US and Russia engage two of his most effective military opponents while moderate rebels observe the truce with his forces 
 
Syria's history of failed deals: 
 
 
<ul>
<li>February 2012: Syrian government "categorically rejects" an Arab League plan calling for a joint Arab-UN peacekeeping mission.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>June 2012/January 2014/January 2016: Three failed UN-sponsored peace conferences in Geneva.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>September 2013: Kerry and Lavrov negotiate a deal to strip the Syrian government of its chemical weapons in return for the US backing away from air strikes. Since then, the government has again and repeatedly been accused of using toxic chemicals against rebel-held areas.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>February 2016: World powers agree in Munich on a nationwide "cessation of hostilities" in Syria excluding jihadist groups. There is no agreement on any joint US-Russian operations. The "pause" quickly unravels as Assad promises to regain control of the whole country.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>March 2016: President Vladimir Putin declares "mission accomplished" in Syria and orders removal of "main part" of Russia's air army in Syria. Russian air strikes have continued ever since.</li>
</ul>

Peace Syria Truce World News Syria ceasefire: UN's Ban Ki-moon makes aid plea

UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon has urged Russia and the US to push all warring sides in Syria to allow safe passage for desperately needed...

UN scores Duterte's 'striking lack of understanding' of human rights institutions

11:43:00 AM

The top official of the United Nations' human rights efforts on Tuesday criticized President Rodrigo Duterte for his statements that "display a striking lack of understanding of our human rights institutions and the principles which keep societies safe." 
 
United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights Zeid Ra'ad Al Hussein made the comments on Tuesday in his opening speech at the 33rd session of the Human Rights Council in Geneva, Switzerland. 
 
"The President of the Philippines's statements of scorn for international human rights law display a striking lack of understanding of our human rights institutions and the principles which keep societies safe," Al Hussein said. 
 
"Fair and impartial rule of law is the foundation of public confidence and security. Empowering police forces to shoot to kill any individual whom they claim to suspect of drug crimes, with or without evidence, undermines justice. The people of the Philippines have a right to judicial institutions that are impartial, and operate under due process guarantees; and they have a right to a police force that serves justice." 
 
He also urged the Philippines to invite the UN's Special Rapporteur on extrajudicial, summary or arbitrary executions amid the rising death toll in the Duterte administration's war on drugs. 
 
"My Office is ready to assist, including with respect to rule of law institutions and the prevention and treatment of drug use in accordance with international norms," he said. 
 
The remarks from Al Hussein are the latest in a series of critical statements from UN human rights officials against Duterte's drug war, which has claimed the lives of more than 1,400 drug suspects in police operations, according to government data. More than 1,900 others have been killed by unknown gunmen. 
 
Last month, UN special rapporteurs Agnes Callamard and Dainius Puras called on the Philippine government to stop the extrajudicial killings of persons linked to illegal drugs. 
 
In response, Duterte threatened to have the Philippines withdraw its membership from the UN. 
 
The animosity seems to remain, with Duterte turning down a one-on-one meeting with UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon at the Association of Southeast Asian Nations (ASEAN) Summit last week. Duterte also skipped the meeting among ASEAN nations and the UN at the event.

Duterte Human Rights United Nations World News UN scores Duterte's 'striking lack of understanding' of human rights institutions

The top official of the United Nations' human rights efforts on Tuesday criticized President Rodrigo Duterte for his statements that ...

Phone hacking: News of the World pair in contempt of Parliament - UK News

11:40:00 AM

The former editor and legal manager of defunct newspaper the News of the World (NotW) have been found in contempt of Parliament over evidence they gave to MPs about phone hacking. 
 
The Commons privileges committee said Colin Myler and Tom Crone had misled the Culture, Media and Sport Committee by "answering questions falsely". 
 
It recommended that the Commons should "formally admonish" the pair. 
 
Both men have rejected the findings and denied giving misleading evidence. 
 
It is believed to be the first time in decades that anyone has been found in contempt of Parliament and a senior MP has said legal action against the pair should be considered. 
 
Mr Myler and Mr Crone had appeared before the culture committee in 2009 and 2011, to answer questions about the extent of phone hacking at the newspaper. 
 
The paper had initially claimed that the illegal practice was limited to a single reporter and a private investigator with whom he worked. But evidence emerged that hacking was more widespread and the paper was forced to close in 2011 because of the scandal. 
 
The privileges committee found that Mr Myler misled the culture committee by denying that he was aware of phone hacking or other wrongdoing by staff, apart from royal correspondent Clive Goodman who had been jailed in 2007 for hacking-related offences. 
 
It said Mr Crone misled the committee on the same issue and also with regard to the "significance of confidentiality" in a settlement reached between the paper and Professional Footballers' Association boss Gordon Taylor. 
 
Mr Myler, the former editor, said the findings were "profoundly disappointing". 
 
"Had the appropriate standard of proof been properly applied, the privileges committee could not have reached a finding of contempt against me, given that the report identifies evidence which plainly contradicts their conclusions," he said. 
 
Former legal manager Mr Crone said he did not accept the findings made against him and stood by his evidence on both issues for which he was criticised. 
 
"In particular, I accepted clearly and unequivocally at the outset of my evidence... that the problem of phone hacking... went beyond" just Clive Goodman, he said. 
 
"That is a matter of record which is beyond challenge." 
 
The privileges committee did not uphold similar allegations of misleading MPs against Les Hinton, the former executive chairman of News International, which owned the NotW. 
 
It also found that the parent firm did not commit contempt as a company. 
 
Court process? 
 
Mr Hinton said: "After more than four years, the committee of privileges has thrown out the charges that I was guilty of contempt of Parliament and a cover-up of phone hacking. 
 
"Its findings are too little and too late, coming so long after I was vilified by MPs." 
 
Acting chairman of the culture committee Damian Collins told the BBC the case "poses the question now about what action Parliament should take". 
 
"I think we should look now at what sanctions should be applied to people who are guilty of contempt of Parliament and deliberately misleading Parliament. Should there be a sentence, should there be a court process following the work of the privileges committee?" he said. 
 
"It is the first time in decades that people have been found guilty of contempt of Parliament and misleading Parliament. The house has to look at this report and say, should there be a real penalty, a real sanction in law for people who are guilty of this offence? 
 
"The presumption of all of the work we do has got to be that witnesses in front of committees believe they have to tell the truth."

Parliament Phone Hacking United Kingdom World News Phone hacking: News of the World pair in contempt of Parliament - UK News

The former editor and legal manager of defunct newspaper the News of the World (NotW) have been found in contempt of Parliament over evidenc...

Boy in viral heroin bust photo sent to new home with relatives

11:33:00 AM

An Ohio boy photographed by police while his grandmother and her boyfriend were passed out from a heroin overdose has been sent to live with relatives in South Carolina.  
 
The photo of the unnamed boy in the back seat of an SUV went viral after it was posted on the East Liverpool, Ohio police department's Facebook page last week. Police said the image showed "the non-drug using public ... what we are now dealing with on a daily basis." 
 
The boy's grandmother, 50-year-old Rhonda Pasek, was arrested Sept. 7 and pleaded not guilty to endangering children, public intoxication and a seatbelt violation. Her boyfriend, 47-year-old James Acord, pleaded guilty to operating a vehicle while impaired and endangering children. He was sentenced to 360 days in jail. 
 
Columbiana County Juvenile Court administrator Dane Walton told the Associated Press that the boy’s great uncle and great aunt petitioned the court for custody, which was granted Monday by a judge. 
 
Walton said Pasek was granted custody of the boy six weeks ago. He said the judge’s report shows that at the time there was “no evidence brought forward” of any drug issues with Pasek. 
 
Pasek's sister, who lives in Delaware, told NBC News that she has custody of the boy's younger brother because Pasek's son and his girlfriend couldn't take care of them. 
 
The city of East Liverpool humiliated my family and humiliated that little boy," the sister, who asked not to be identified, told NBC. "They could have blurred his face and they didn't. And now they're taking him away from my sister. I'm not condoning what Rhonda done, but what they did to her and what they're doing to her grandson is too much." 
 
Brian Allen, East Liverpool's director of public safety and services, defended posting the photo on Facebook.  
 
"As a public official I can’t blur public records and this photo is a public record,” he said. “It’s all or nothing for us. We’re a government agency posting it. It’s not like we can willy-nilly do what we want.”

Drugs Viral World News Boy in viral heroin bust photo sent to new home with relatives

An Ohio boy photographed by police while his grandmother and her boyfriend were passed out from a heroin overdose has been sent to live with...

India's Mars mission: Picture that spoke 1,000 words

11:29:00 AM

When the crowded command control room of India's Mars mission exploded into applause after it successfully put a satellite into orbit around the Red Planet, photographer Manjunath Kiran of the AFP news agency clicked this remarkable image of scientists congratulating each other. 
 
Wednesday's picture arrived with a rather anodyne caption saying "staff from the Indian Space Research Organisation (Isro) celebrate after the Mars Orbiter Spacecraft (Mom) successfully entered the Mars orbit". 
 
But in reality, the picture was about much more than that - a bunch of smiling Indian women resplendent in gorgeous saris greeting each other as their male colleagues look on admiringly at mission control in Bangalore. 
 
"The women were leading the applause when the good news arrived. They were celebrating more than men. Who said men are from Mars and women are from Venus?" says senior science journalist Pallava Bagla, who was present in the control room. 
 
The picture - which brightened up my manic morning writing up the Mars mission story - went viral and became the event's image of the day. 
 
People in their thousands tweeted that they loved it. One said "when was the last time you saw women scientists celebrate a space mission?"; another that the women showed "we don't need to wear labcoats". Others said the scientists in saris had "redefined mission control" and called them "true role models". 
 
The chatter even veered into the contentious Indian debate about tradition and modernity. 
 
Look at our rocket scientists, said one tweet, when women working in call centres think that wearing jeans "makes them modern and scientific". Somebody wondered why "no matter how much women succeed/achieve, the focus ultimately is on what they are wearing?" That, another respondent tweeted, is "because we have newspapers telling us that smart career women don't wear saris only western business suits!". 
 
Although we do not know for sure whether all the women in this picture are engineers or scientists, they all probably work with India's space agency. Some 20% of Isro's 14,246 employees are women and their numbers are growing. 
 
Nandini Harinath, 44, a physicist and a mother of two, was the deputy operations director of the Mars mission - in other words, she was the person "operating" the spacecraft between Earth and Mars. "It's easier to bring up children than to control the Mars orbiter," she told the NDTV news channel. Minal Sampath and her team built three instruments for the spacecraft and she wants to become "the first woman director of a space centre". 
 
A woman leads one of the agency's main strategic programmes. Another female engineer was in charge of wheeling out the 15-storey-high 320,000kg (320 tonne) Satellite Launch Vehicle (SLV) from the vehicle assembly building to the launch pad. Tessy Thomas, a scientist from India's Defence Research and Development Organisation (DRDO), is thought to be one of the very few women working on strategic nuclear ballistic missiles in the world. Three women led a team which launched a communication satellite three years ago. 
 
What next? Will a woman head India's space agency one day? (All seven chairmen of Isro so far have been men.) And, as Pallava Bagla writes, Isro reckons that the first astronaut from India "could well be a woman". When that happens, Indian women will be over the moon.

India Mars Mission Outer Space World News India's Mars mission: Picture that spoke 1,000 words

When the crowded command control room of India's Mars mission exploded into applause after it successfully put a satellite into orbit ar...

Life Without Love Is Lifeless

11:27:00 AM

"Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and His love is made complete in us."1 
 
Dr. Alfred Adler, international psychiatrist, based the following conclusions on a careful analysis of thousands of patients: "The most important task imposed by religion has always been, 'Love your neighbor….' It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow man who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring."  
 
As I have said a number of times, it may not be the most desirable for many of us, but we can live healthily as a single or without romantic love in our life. But we cannot live healthily without loving relationships—or at the very least, without one loving relationship.  
 
I would agree with Dr. Adler in that, more often than not, it is a lack of love that drives people into self-destructive behaviors such as: looking for love in all the wrong places and getting deeply hurt and disappointed; acting out sexually as a false substitute for love; and turning to drugs and alcohol as a means to anesthetize or deaden the pain of emptiness caused by a lack of love.  
 
So, if we are lacking in love or feel that we need more healthy love in our life, where do we find it? Easy question; tough answer.  
 
First, it begins by admitting to ourselves and to at least one trusted friend exactly how empty and lacking in love we feel.  
 
Second, remember that we get damaged in damaging relationships and are healed in healing relationships. This means we need to be in relationship with at least one loving, accepting, non-judgmental, trusted person (a capable counselor if necessary) with whom we can be totally open and honest and, step by step, open up and reveal our true self—warts and all. It's only as we reveal who we truly are that we can be loved and accepted for who we are, and not for what we have ever done or have failed to do. As we are loved and accepted in this way, little by little we learn to love and accept ourselves.  
 
This, of course, takes courageous work and time. However as we learn to love and accept ourselves, we are not only freed to change, but also in a position where we are attracted to loving people and they to us. Remember, we can only be loved to the degree that we are known—and we can only love and accept others to the degree that we ourselves have been loved and accepted.  
 
Third, and most important, realize that we not only need the love of others, but most important of all, we need to know and experience God's love, forgiveness, and His divine acceptance. As we open up to Him and confess our true self to Him—sins and faults—and ask for His forgiveness, He forgives us totally. And, of course, we need to learn how to forgive ourselves. Then we are freed to experience God's love in the depths of our inner being. And joyously we will discover, as we grow in love towards others, our love for God will also grow and be enriched. As God's Word says, "If we love one another, God lives in us and His love is made complete in us"  
 
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please help me to find a loving friend with whom I can feel totally safe to open up and share my true self—my sins and faults—and give me the courage to be totally honest and do this. Help me, too, to grow in love towards others so that Your love is made complete in me. And then, help me to give the same love to others as they and You have given to me. Thank You for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus's name. Amen"

God Life Lifestyle Love Life Without Love Is Lifeless

"Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God live...

Love is not Enough

11:26:00 AM

In 1967, John Lennon wrote a song called, “All You Need is Love.” He also beat both of his wives, abandoned one of his children, verbally abused his gay Jewish manager with homophobic and anti-semitic slurs, and once had a camera crew film him lying naked in his bed for an entire day. 
 
Thirty-five years later, Trent Reznor from Nine Inch Nails wrote a song called “Love is Not Enough.” Reznor, despite being famous for his shocking stage performances and his grotesque and disturbing videos, got clean from all drugs and alcohol, married one woman, had two children with her, and then cancelled entire albums and tours so that he could stay home and be a good husband and father. 
 
One of these two men had a clear and realistic understanding of love. One of them did not. One of these men idealized love as the solution to all of his problems. One of them did not. One of these men was probably a narcissistic asshole. One of them was not. 
 
In our culture, many of us idealize love. We see it as some lofty cure-all for all of life’s problems. Our movies and our stories and our history all celebrate it as life’s ultimate goal, the final solution for all of our pain and struggle. And because we idealize love, we overestimate it. As a result, our relationships pay a price. 
 
When we believe that “all we need is love,” then like Lennon, we’re more likely to ignore fundamental values such as respect, humility and commitment towards the people we care about. After all, if love solves everything, then why bother with all the other stuff — all of the hard stuff? 
 
But if, like Reznor, we believe that “love is not enough,” then we understand that healthy relationships require more than pure emotion or lofty passions. We understand that there are things more important in our lives and our relationships than simply being in love. And the success of our relationships hinges on these deeper and more important values. 
 
THREE HARSH TRUTHS ABOUT LOVE 
 
The problem with idealizing love is that it causes us to develop unrealistic expectations about what love actually is and what it can do for us. These unrealistic expectations then sabotage the very relationships we hold dear in the first place. Allow me to illustrate: 
 
1. Love does not equal compatibility. Just because you fall in love with someone doesn’t necessarily mean they’re a good partner for you to be with over the long term. Love is an emotional process; compatibility is a logical process. And the two don’t bleed into one another very well. 
 
It’s possible to fall in love with somebody who doesn’t treat us well, who makes us feel worse about ourselves, who doesn’t hold the same respect for us as we do for them, or who has such a dysfunctional life themselves that they threaten to bring us down with them. 
 
abstract-painting-lovers 
 
It’s possible to fall in love with somebody who has different ambitions or life goals that are contradictory to our own, who holds different philosophical beliefs or worldviews that clash with our own sense of reality. 
 
It’s possible to fall in love with somebody who sucks for us and our happiness. 
 
That may sound paradoxical, but it’s true. 
 
When I think of all of the disastrous relationships I’ve seen or people have emailed me about, many (or most) of them were entered into on the basis of emotion — they felt that “spark” and so they just dove in head first. Forget that he was a born-again Christian alcoholic and she was an acid-dropping bisexual necrophiliac. It just felt right. 
 
And then six months later, when she’s throwing his shit out onto the lawn and he’s praying to Jesus twelve times a day for her salvation, they look around and wonder, “Gee, where did it go wrong?” 
 
The truth is, it went wrong before it even began. 
 
When dating and looking for a partner, you must use not only your heart, but your mind. Yes, you want to find someone who makes your heart flutter and your farts smell like cherry popsicles. But you also need to evaluate a person’s values, how they treat themselves, how they treat those close to them, their ambitions and their worldviews in general. Because if you fall in love with someone who is incompatible with you…well, as the ski instructor from South Park once said, you’re going to have a bad time. 
 
2. Love does not solve your relationship problems. My first girlfriend and I were madly in love with each other. We also lived in different cities, had no money to see each other, had families who hated each other, and went through weekly bouts of meaningless drama and fighting. 
 
And every time we fought, we’d come back to each other the next day and make up and remind each other how crazy we were about one another and that none of those little things matter because we’re omg sooooooo in love and we’ll find a way to work it out and everything will be great, just you wait and see. Our love made us feel like we were overcoming our issues, when on a practical level, absolutely nothing had changed. 
 
As you can imagine, none of our problems got resolved. The fights repeated themselves. The arguments got worse. Our inability to ever see each other hung around our necks like an albatross. We were both self-absorbed to the point where we couldn’t even communicate that effectively. Hours and hours talking on the phone with nothing actually said. Looking back, there was no hope that it was going to last. Yet we kept it up for three fucking years! 
 
After all, love conquers all, right? 
 
Unsurprisingly, that relationship burst into flames and crashed like the Hindenburg being doused in jet fuel. The break up was ugly. And the big lesson I took away from it was this: while love may make you feel better about your relationship problems, it doesn’t actually solve any of your relationship problems. 
 
The roller coaster of emotions can be intoxicating, each high feeling even more important and more valid than the one before, but unless there’s a stable and practical foundation beneath your feet, that rising tide of emotion will eventually come and wash it all away. 
 
3. Love is not always worth sacrificing yourself. One of the defining characteristics of loving someone is that you are able to think outside of yourself and your own needs to help care for another person and their needs as well. 
 
But the question that doesn’t get asked often enough is exactly what are you sacrificing, and is it worth it? 
 
sad-girl-bwIn loving relationships, it’s normal for both people to occasionally sacrifice their own desires, their own needs, and their own time for one another. I would argue that this is normal and healthy and a big part of what makes a relationship so great. 
 
But when it comes to sacrificing one’s self-respect, one’s dignity, one’s physical body, one’s ambitions and life purpose, just to be with someone, then that same love becomes problematic. A loving relationship is supposed to supplement our individual identity, not damage it or replace it. If we find ourselves in situations where we’re tolerating disrespectful or abusive behavior, then that’s essentially what we’re doing: we’re allowing our love to consume us and negate us, and if we’re not careful, it will leave us as a shell of the person we once were. 
 
THE FRIENDSHIP TEST 
 
One of the oldest pieces of relationship advice in the book is, “You and your partner should be best friends.” Most people look at that piece of advice in the positive: I should spend time with my partner like I do my best friend; I should communicate openly with my partner like I do with my best friend; I should have fun with my partner like I do with my best friend. 
 
But people should also look at it in the negative: Would you tolerate your partner’s negative behaviors in your best friend? 
 
Amazingly, when we ask ourselves this question honestly, in most unhealthy and codependent relationships, the answer is “no.” 
 
I know a young woman who just got married. She was madly in love with her husband. And despite the fact that he had been “between jobs” for more than a year, showed no interest in planning the wedding, often ditched her to take surfing trips with his friends, and her friends and family raised not-so-subtle concerns about him, she happily married him anyway. 
 
But once the emotional high of the wedding wore off, reality set in. A year into their marriage, he’s still “between jobs,” he trashes the house while she’s at work, gets angry if she doesn’t cook dinner for him, and any time she complains he tells her that she’s “spoiled” and “arrogant.” Oh, and he still ditches her to take surfing trips with his friends. 
 
And she got into this situation because she ignored all three of the harsh truths above. She idealized love. Despite being slapped in the face by all of the red flags he raised while dating him, she believed that their love signaled relationship compatibility. It didn’t. When her friends and family raised concerns leading up to the wedding, she believed that their love would solve their problems eventually. It didn’t. And now that everything had fallen into a steaming shit heap, she approached her friends for advice on how she could sacrifice herself even more to make it work. 
 
And the truth is, it won’t. 
 
Why do we tolerate behavior in our romantic relationships that we would never ever, ever tolerate in our friendships? 
 
Imagine if your best friend moved in with you, trashed your place, refused to get a job or pay rent, demanded you cook dinner for them, and got angry and yelled at you any time you complained. That friendship would be over faster than Paris Hilton’s acting career. 
 
Or another situation: a man’s girlfriend who was so jealous that she demanded passwords to all of his accounts and insisted on accompanying him on his business trips to make sure he wasn’t tempted by other women. His life was practically under 24/7 surveillance and you could see it wearing on his self-esteem. His self-worth dropped to nothing. She didn’t trust him to do anything. So he quit trusting himself to do anything. 
 
Yet he stays with her! Why? Because he’s in love! 
 
Remember this: The only way you can fully enjoy the love in your life is to choose to make something else more important in your life than love. 
 
You can fall in love with a wide variety of people throughout the course of your life. You can fall in love with people who are good for you and people who are bad for you. You can fall in love in healthy ways and unhealthy ways. You can fall in love when you’re young and when you’re old. Love is not unique. Love is not special. Love is not scarce. 
 
But your self-respect is. So is your dignity. So is your ability to trust. There can potentially be many loves throughout your life, but once you lose your self-respect, your dignity or your ability to trust, they are very hard to get back. 
 
Love is a wonderful experience. It’s one of the greatest experiences life has to offer. And it is something everyone should aspire to feel and enjoy. 
 
But like any other experience, it can be healthy or unhealthy. Like any other experience, it cannot be allowed to define us, our identities or our life purpose. We cannot let it consume us. We cannot sacrifice our identities and self-worth to it. Because the moment we do that, we lose love and we lose ourselves. 
 
Because you need more in life than love. Love is great. Love is necessary. Love is beautiful. But love is not enough.

Couple Friendship Love Love Life Relationship Love is not Enough

In 1967, John Lennon wrote a song called, “All You Need is Love.” He also beat both of his wives, abandoned one of his children, verbally ab...